Are You Living Someone Else’s Choices? The Key to Getting Unstuck
One of the most powerful shifts I see in coaching happens when someone realizes: I have a choice here.
They realize they don't have control over everything, every outcome, or other people. But they do have a choice in how they respond, what they tolerate, what they pursue, and what they do next. That single recognition changes everything.
Recently, I worked with a brilliant leader who felt completely suffocated by her obligations. She was exhausted, fulfilling commitments she had made years ago simply because she didn’t want to disappoint her peers. She had convinced herself she was trapped. But during our session, the lightbulb went on: she didn't need external permission to renegotiate her own life. She had simply forgotten her own agency.
When we forget we have choices, we begin to live as though our lives are being decided for us. We surrender our authority to someone else’s opinion, fear, perfectionism, or the need for approval. Little by little, we give away our authority.
The Subtle Ways We Give Our Power Away
Most people do not wake up one morning and decide to surrender ownership of their lives. It happens quietly.
We wait for someone to tell us we are ready.
We stay in situations we know are no longer healthy because we do not want to disappoint someone.
We avoid taking a risk because we are afraid of what people might think.
We keep asking for advice long after we already know the answer.
(If you find yourself stuck in these patterns, listen to [🔗 Episode 102 of the podcast: When the World Feels Loud: Finding Your Anchor]. Darren and I explore how to reconsider commitments held out of obligation, reconnect with your own voice, and choose how to move forward intentionally—rather than giving that power to external pressure.)
Personal Authority Comes With Responsibility
When people do not recognize the power they have to choose, they can slowly become victims of their own lives. Not because difficult things haven't happened to them, but because they begin to believe their next move belongs to someone else.
Owning your authority means recognizing: My life is mine to steward.
That is both empowering and challenging. Once we recognize our power to choose, we also have to accept responsibility for what we choose. We cannot control every circumstance, but we can decide what we do with the circumstances we have been given. We can choose the conversation we need to have, the boundary we need to set, and whether fear gets the final word. It takes courage to stop looking outside ourselves for permission and begin taking responsibility for the life we say we want.
I have seen this become one of the defining differences between people who grow and people who remain stuck. Those who move forward are not necessarily more talented, nor do they have easier circumstances. But at some point, they recognize that they are responsible for their next step.
That is personal power. Not domination, not control, not ego. Ownership.
The Weekly Shift
Where Are You Waiting For Permission?
This week, choose one area where you have been giving your authority away. Ask yourself:
Where am I waiting for permission I no longer need?
Whose approval am I waiting for?
What decision, boundary, or next step already belongs to me?
Then, make one small move that reflects ownership. Have the conversation, make the decision, say no, or simply take the first step. You do not need permission to take responsibility for your own life.
Sometimes the most important shift is simply recognizing: The next choice is mine.
